Thinking on Thirty-One

I couldn't sleep last night. I turn 31 tomorrow and this is the first time in my life I've ever felt that reflective twinge of "I'm getting old." Turning thirty last year was a blip, just like all my other birthdays. The possibilities are endless, right? Life just keeps getting better and I've got three kids sleeping through the night to prove it. But for some reason at 31 I'm sensing a narrowing.

Are there certain limitations that come with the passing of time, particularly between our 30's and 40's. Do forty-something women wear their hair long (and have it actually look good), do they spend time every day rocking and comforting young children, and do they persist in reserving a corner of their closet for the slim fitting clothes of their early twenties (just in case)? I know some forty and fabulous women who do these things, but as a whole, as a complete demographic? I feel the narrowing, or at least the onset of an intangible narrowing.

I do believe my forty something friends are smiling right now.

The thing about aging is that whatever decade you are living in, you are laying the groundwork for the decade to come. What I spent my time on in my twenties has largely dictated what my life looks like today. So the question I am asking myself this week, is what do I want my life to look like in another decade. What groundwork am I laying?

I hope when I'm in my 30's I have three or more healthy, spiritually led, and confidant children.

I hope Jeremy and I are as happy then as we are now.

I hope I'm a published writer, who still makes time to let dirty dishes soak while I stare out the window and imagine the lives of strangers.

I hope I like myself, the life that I chose, and the decisions I made in my thirties.